Buying the Cow (2001)

Buying the Cow (2002) is a straight-to-video sex comedy that’ll make you feel anything but straight. The R-rated romp centers around David Collins (Jerry O’Connell), a commitment-phobe in Los Angeles who’s been been dating advertising executive Sarah (Bridgette L. Wilson) for five years. When his partying pal Tyler Carter Bellows (Ron Livingston) decides to get married to a chick (Erinn Bartlett) he’s just met, Sarah feels like she’s been waiting too long. Before she leaves town on a two-month business trip, she gives her hesitant boyfriend an ultimatum — either marry her or face losing her. Looking for advice, David calls his horndog buddies Mike Hanson (Ryan Reynolds) and Jonesy (Bill Bellamy). As you can guess, they convince Dave to hit the dating scene hard. But how sound can Mike’s counsel be if he thinks he’s gay yet is romancing a female stripper (Alyssa Milano). Meanwhile, Sarah’s handsome boss puts the moves on her in New York, clouding her wedding wishes. Will the longtime couple come together in holy matrimony, or will lust tear them apart? Of course, the more important question is how hot is Mr. Reynolds? No need to raise your hand (or another part of your anatomy) since this is a rhetorical question. During a hilarious chase sequence, Ryan heads down a fire escape, sans clothing. Yes, fans get to glance at Ryan’s abs and ass. Alas, we think the balls, butthole, and penis on screen actually belong to a body double. Apparently, Buying the Cow has some bull.