Jarhead (2005)

Based on the bestselling memoir of the same name about the first Iraq War, Jarhead (2005) is a strong indictment of the futility of war in general. But while the "War is Hell" genre is full of flicks about dudes coming home with no legs or covered head to toe in burns, this one stood out for emphasizing how boring and battle-free a war can be. Jake Gylennhaal plays the central figure of the story and the author of the book, Anthony Swofford. He's a Marine sniper sent to Kuwait alongside his spotter Alan Troy (Peter Sarsgaard). Instead of constant action, Swofford's time during Operation Desert Storm is incredibly boring. They're amped for action, but the fellas never do any fighting. Instead, they do gas mask drills, play touch football, catch scorpions and make them fight each other, and worst of all, tell each other whenever one of their girlfriends have left them for a man back home. It happens a lot. Kuwaiting for a chance to use their guns, eventually they'll witness the charred bodies on "The Highway of Death" and get blueballed out of a sniping mission by an airstrike. Swofford's tour of duty was a pointless one that did nothing but interrupt his life and leave him with mental issues. What was the point of the flick? Well while it's supposed to make you question why we send so many young men to war, but the point of watching the best scenes in the movie is to see all the buff Marines with a lot of time on their hands! They've got nothing to do, which results in a lot of hot, sweaty, muscled, shirtless men hanging around the desert. Gylenhaal is in rare form, here. Early on, his beautiful bottom bangs away during a brief sex scene when he's boning his high school girlfriend. Later, he’s lathering up with other mantastically nude Marines in the shower where his soaped-up sexiness is served up. In one very memorable dance number, Jake swivels with only a Santa hat covering his weapon. It’s a gift worth unwrapping under the tree! Thank you for your service, would you like Mr. Man to service you? Beyond Jakey, there's Evan Jones getting nakey! He's in the shower with Jake, which lets us see his darkly shaded dong and ass! Semper Fi, cutie pie! Those Jarhead hotties will be running through your mind all day!