River Queen (2005)

No, River Queen (2005) isn’t a floating casino. But if you were betting on seeing some skin, this flick would earn you a modest win. Set in New Zealand during the Māori/British land conflict in 1868, the period piece centers around Sarah O’Brien (Samantha Morton). She’s the daughter of a British army surgeon who gets knocked up by the son of a Māori leader. After Sarah gives birth, the Baby Daddy gets killed in a conflict, leaving the newborn without a father. After raising the child, simply named ‘Boy’ for six years, the deceased dude’s family kidnaps the lad so he’ll be raised in the Māori way of life. As such, the distressed mom goes on a frantic search for her missing son with her best bud Doyle (Kiefer Sutherland), a protective and caring soldier. Along the way, she finds time to fall in love with the boy’s Uncle Wiremu (Cliff Curtis). Eventually Sarah is reunited with her now teenage son (David Rawiri Pene). But — surprise surprise — he isn’t too keen on leaving the tribe. The movie performed well at the New Zealand Screen Awards, nabbing nominations for Actor (Curtis) and Actress (Morton) in a Leading Role. But even though the pic was a critical hit, it was a box office flop. Still, we give it two thumbs and another part of the anatomy up since Mr. Sutherland and Temuera Morrison both expose their butts. Suffice it to say, the bare bums of River Queen will arouse your crown jewels!