Troy (2004)

Wolfgang Petersen's Troy (2004) is the quintessential Greek tale of men fighting the good fight for great tail. Now, Mr. Man would ship all the hot dudes together and keep them from having to launch all those ships, but whatever. If you're not up to date on The Illiad by Homer, you might be a bit lost. Essentially, when Prince Paris of Troy (Orlando Bloom) is sent to make peace with the Spartans, instead of doing that he woos the most beautiful woman in the world: Helen (Diane Kruger), the Queen of Sparta, away from her hubby Menelaus (Brendan Gleeson). That was a terrible move, because instead of being peaceful, soon enough the Trojans and the Greeks are doing battle. Paris is a bit of a puss and Hector's not that much tougher, which is why it's pretty surprising that he kills Achilles (Brad Pitt) in a one-on-one duel. Only, it's not actually Achilles, it's Achilles' little cousin Patroclus (Garrett Hedlund) wearing his armor. Now, Achilles is all in on avenging his cousin's death and heads are going to roll. The killer shot to Achilles' heel, the giant wooden horse trick, it's all there. But what'll really have you geeking over these Greeks with the bodies of gods are the skin scenes. You'll be begging them to slip on a Trojan and go to work seeing these Greek heroes expose themselves. Helen’s face supposedly launched a thousand ships.  Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom and Eric Bana, with their bare chests and buns launch something too ... but it ain’t ships. Orlando shows his lovely, lean upper chest when he's banging Helen so good she's willing to go to war for more. Young and thin, he's prettier than she is! Eric Bana had all the ladies lusting when he went shirtless to hold a little baby. That'll have you begging to do some baby-making with him. But it's Brad Pitt who was comically fit. You'll believe he's Achilles seeing his ass after boning some lucky babe. We have no chill checking out Achilles' warrior rump mid, pre, and post hump! With that trio of hotties, Troy will have you playing with your man toy!