I don't love April Fool's Day because I have no idea what to believe. What's real and what's fake? I know that that's the purpose of the day, but I hate to be tricked again and again. So I, Bustin Theroux, am not about to trick you. No, my friends, I respect you too much. In fact, I'll do the opposite of trickery today. I'll expose the #truth!
How am I going to utilize my "journalism" for good today? I am going to show you the cocks that are not real. Maybe you already knew that these penises were fake or maybe you've been arguing with your friends about whether or not they are real. Allow me to educate you and use my writing powers for good. Here are cocks in nude scenes that you didn't know were prosthetic.
Theo James in The White Lotus
I hate to break it to you, but the stunning Theo James has essentially shown us everything BUT his cock. This little sliver of sausage from the mirror scene in The White Lotus was not his actual penis. I forgive him because of that booty. We've seen his muscular glutes and booty quite a bit, so I am still hoping for his real penis in the future.
Theo wasn't the only prosthetic on the show. In the first season, Steve Zahn shows his balls. To us at Mr. Man, these balls were obviously fake. So imagine my surprise when a friend in the real world was insisting that he thought these were real. These balls?! Honey, these look like a dog's chew toy. Which gives me an idea...what would Steve Zahn's real balls taste like in my mouth? That's the topic for another investigation.
Jonathan Sadowski in Sex/Life
The enormous penises in Sex/Life have been hotly debated. TikToks were even made debating with the public about these penises. Sadly, most of them are thought to be prosthetic. Some people still insist Adam Demos' long dick is real, so I won't touch that (it is my professional opinion that it is not real), but we know for a fact that Sadowski's peen is not the real thing.
Charles Melton in May December
Spoiler alert ahead! Charles Melton's critically acclaimed performance in May December was made even better with his sex scene that he had with the amazing Natalie Portman. Okay, werk, Melton!!! We were working off to that thick and erect penis that he unveiled when he got on top of her. Sadly, Charles' cock is still a mystery to us.
Andrew Garfield in Mainstream
It's wild to me that this 2020 movie isn't more Mainstream. Otherwise, everyone would have thought that they had seen Andrew Garfield's thicc throbber. It's all a ruse! He flashes a meaty member in broad daylight, but since it's fake he can't be charged for public indecency.
Taylor Zakhar Perez in Minx
It is surprising that the HBO series which centers on male nudity for a female audience has so many prosthetics. But it does. There are some real penises, but Taylor's is not one of them. He goes "nude" a lot, but it's a fake dick every single time.
Would you like more prosthetic penises? Check out this playlist:
