Thirty-four-year-old Portuguese footballer Cristiano Ronaldo was just caught by the paps looking smoking hot on a yacht. You've yacht to be kidding me. Is what I say after seeing these pics. The dude has been tanning 24/7 for about five decades and still looks like he wouldn't be out of place as a teen on Riverdale. How DOES she do it. Ronaldo also has one of the most famous bods in the Thirsty Gay Web biz, and man do we get a great look at it here. He even wears his iconic teeny weeny swim trunks that suggest at a bulge-ish situation between his monster thighs. Crist on a cracker? I freaking wish. Rite ladies.