No clickbait here! All you're going to find in this post is a video is a straight jock in a towel putting carrots in his mouth. No one knows exactly why straights do the things they do, but sometimes it's best to not question their decisions. This video made the rounds on the Instagram account of Barstool Sports, which is an online community of straight men who enjoy sports, babes, and election fraud conspiracies. Kidding! Joking aside, to say that Barstool Sports isn't courting a gay audience is an understatement - or it would be had we not come across this video. I know gay porn when I see it.

The man in this video has amazing arms and a super flat stomach rippling with muscles. From what we can tell he has a really cute face, and his Young Republican National Federation haircut isn't not doing it for me on this dreary Monday. Plus we can tell from the way the towel clings to his ass cheeks that this man has a trunk full of junk. And carrots? No one knows.

But that's not all. For some reason, this Barstool fan decided to put a long carrot in his mouth before showing that he's a spitter and not a swallower. Good to know. He spits the carrot into a blender, and the Barstool caption reads "Man showing machine how to do its job." Must be a straight thing? Honestly there is NOTHING sexual about this clip at all, and yet... there is? Thank you straight men, and thank you Barstool Sports. Nothing straighter than looking at a pornographically hot jock in a towel with a carrot in his mouth. Bros before clothes.