Everyone's talking about the new super bangable KFC spokesman, but he'll be the last to know, because he's what? Not real. KFC has created aVirtual Influencer Colonel to help them hawk their finger-licking good chicken, and people can't help but notice that he's finger-lickingf*uckable. Except there's like, no actual finger to lick or f*ck because he's, again, not real? You know what I mean.

Our new fake woke bae Colonel cements his status as an Instagram influencer by sporting the hashtag #secretrecipeforsuccess on a trendy stomach tattoo. His takeover of KFC's Instagram mocks the language of actual influencers, and Ad Week even says of this meta hottie:

[He shows off] an aspirational lifestyle, espousing vapid words of regrammable advice and generally enjoying all the worldly benefits that being an artificial construct has to offer.

Do you want to double tap the new Colonel, or are you scrolling past this whole weird thing? Let us know.

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I may be a restaurant mogul and international inspiration, but I’m still just a kid who loves being in the kitchen. #humble It’s important never to lose sight of the things that make you who you are. For me, it’s being in the kitchen and making amazing fried chicken. That’s what got me here, and I never want to lose that young and hungry Colonel who spent all his time perfecting fried chicken. I’m still that kid who straps on an apron and makes fried chicken. And I’ll never lose that part of me. Never lose the things that make you who you are. This is part of my #secretrecipeforsuccess. #candid #candidkitchen #colonelskitchen #humble #friedchicken #advice #success #entrepreneur #behindthecurtain #keys #respect #inspiration #positive #positivethoughts #artistatwork #majorkey #cookingram #cooking

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#SecretRecipeForSuccess

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Check it out, fried chicken fam. Not only did I turn myself into a digital, computer-generated influencer, I also got some ink. The one and only @misterctoons gave me this amazing tattoo. I feel like I am both the canvas and inspiration for this beauty. Always try to inspire like I do when I’m making amazing fried chicken. Inspiration is part of my #secretrecipeforsuccess. Stay tuned to my IG to see more from my virtual life, and I’ll also be dropping some wisdom that I call the #secretrecipeforsuccess to help you achieve your dreams. #secretrecipeforsuccess #likeminded #friedchicken #friedchickentattoo #entrepreneur #behindthecurtain #keys #respect #inspiration #positive #positivethoughts #artistatwork

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