PornMike.com: Neutral Review
There are tons of porn sites out on the internet, and it's a fucking landfill. 99% of them are virus-contaminated, spamming hellscapes that have been hacked to catch dicks and credit cards. Now, when a site like PornMike comes along and claims "No spam, no crap, just honest hardcore porn the way you want it," then you might have to take a grain of salt with it. Even you have to be curious, though. Saw what it had to offer, put in the time, matched some of its products with what I was familiar with and realized that this was indeed the real deal and not another tarball of filth in the chasm of internet porn. The straight, up-and-down, as is breakdown.
First Impressions: Clean, Mean, and Ready to Please
PornMike is no pushover when it comes to a bunch of popups and spawning ads, or "Meet Local Sluts Tonight" blinks. The UI is surprisingly nice. It's dark, easy on the eyes, and to the point. Their logo is quite simple, the tag is "Be Like Mike. Watch Porn. Every Day," and their home page is a wall of thumbnails. It seems like it was specifically made within the past decade and not created in 2005, nor has it been updated ever. The "Mike" character is a bit kooky, but it helps bring the site a personality, such as a dude who's just here to 'curate the good shit' and save you the hassle. A refreshing difference to some larger tubes or to the junkyard, that is, some of the smaller ones.
The Content: A Curated Collection of Cum-Worthy Clips
So, what's the real porn like? The whole "hack" is doing something "hand-made" at the site, and that's "Mike". With a quick glance, it's possible to see that it makes some sense. It's not all the videos on the Web. You're receiving a highly-tuned feed of the latest, most fresh content possible every day. On the front page, it's a combination of "Mike's Pick Today" and the latest uploads. But a good smattering of pro and semi-pro. You'll know the names of some people, such as Bratty Sis, Nubile Films and German Scout, and so it's generally of high quality. The categories you'd expect, Big Tits, MILF, Teen 18+, Amateur, POV, and all manner of step-family related crap that we'll click at times anyway.
One interesting feature is the "Most Orgasms" category. Instead of just "Most Viewed," this ranks videos by user-submitted "cum" stats. So it's a special way of identifying videos that people are actually getting off of, not thumbnails that are catchy. Every thumbnail will also display a percentage and a "cum" icon that includes a number, indicating how many ratings the community has given it, and its "hot" rating. It's a nuiter, but a handy one because it gives some credence.
The Nitty Gritty: User Experience and Features
Use of the communication device is easy. Sort by Newest, Most Orgasms (ordered by time since recording), Top-Rated, Most Viewed and Longest. The tag is decent in some respects, with popular ones up front, such as "german amateur," "blowjob pov," and "pussy licking. As you'd expect, the video player is pretty standard, the tube site has a fast load time, plays fine, and has all the usual quality options, most of which appear to be in HD, as they claim.
There are also Top Pornstars and Top Channels sections, which are nice if you have a favorite star and/or top-performing studio. If Blake Blossom, Gina Gerson, and Kenzie Reeves are among the producers in the top positions, their content must be current, in the vein of what's popular right now. They've also got the channel list, so it's not all the same widely played producers, which again is an indicator of their intent to stick to quality and not overly quantity.
The great solution is "100% Free, Instant & in HD. No registration or membership required. So what I noticed were the numbers, and they ship on that. I did a bit of 'fiddling around', viewed a number of videos and did not have to register for any of the sites, let alone sign up for an account, in order to access their services. The "PornMike App" that they promote is nothing more than a shortcut that places the website in your home screen on your cell phone, and it's a clever, not-shitty method to create a "mobile app."
Is PornMike Worth Your Time and Jizz?
So, with all that, should PornMike.com be included in your list of 'go to' porn sites? Fuck yes, it is.
With endless porn in the world, the most precious good is curation. We can't wade through thousands of poor and unmarked videos to see which one has the one scene we need to do the job. PornMike's secret to success seems to be in the quality control. This shit feels like someone's watching it and selecting the good bits out of it. Its content is up to date, of high quality, and offers a smooth and ad-light user experience. It's not trying to be the larger site with the more videos, it's trying to be the better site with the right videos!
It's not perfect. If you're into super-niche, obscure fetish content, you might not find it here. The choice appears to be based on popular items and those that are hot. PornMike is a godsend to 90% of the human race, who simply want to check out a junk of high-quality hardcore pornography channels, and go to sleep once the play is over. It lives up to its no-bullshit promise of honest-to-god smut. It's like a personal friend giving you a genuine recommendation regarding a tube site.
A Clean Fucking Layout: No Bullshit, Just Boobs
That's what's really making PornMike rise above a "good tube site" to a "fucking essential"? The "Mike's Pick Today" feature is a blessing on the days when you can't decide which ticket to pick and only want the one you can't miss. It's similar to having a good friend who already knows which scenes are the best for you. The site's goodwill for cleanliness is enormous. There's no more having to block popups and close a ton of ad tabs.
Who says the point should not be simply the porn and that the porn itself should be skewered to the nth degree? It's not quite as comprehensive or as chaotic as PornHub, but that's its highlight. It's a curated gallery, not a cluttered warehouse. If you're the kind of guy who wouldn't waste a dime on the cruddier versions of that kind of game and thus cherishes your time and boner, then PornMike is the first obvious choice.