Helen of Troy (2003)

Ancient Greek poetry gets the modern treatment on the television mini-series Helen of Troy (2003). Set in the thirteenth century B.C., the two-part series focuses on Helen (Sienna Guillory), the trophy wife of King Menelaus (James Callis). The Olympian-born beauty is unhappy with her marriage and finds herself attracted to and “abducted” by Paris (Matthew Marsden), the handsome Prince of Troy. King Menelaus declares war on Troy, leading to the ten-year battle brought to an end by the infamous Trojan horse incident. The female flesh count is high, but there is one saving grace: Rufus Sewell’s sweet cheeks floating in a pool at the end of the ambitious show. It’s not erotic, considering Sewell’s character was just stabbed, but it’s enough to get a battle brewing between your penis and underwear.