It's been a hot minute since the teen gay porn series Riverdale gave us anything nizasty enough to write about, and while this latest shirtless romp from K.J. Apa (eight episodes into the fifth season) is a far cry from that porny car wash or that juvie hose down, it's certainly... something.

In an attempt to keep things spicy in the bedroom with the missus (something all sixteen-year-olds reckon with at one point or another!) K.J. Apa saunters in wearing a saucy fireman's outfit. Sure, the nips are out and they are looking breasttastic. But the real stars of the show here those pits. Apa has always done pits better than anyone else in the game, and this scene is no exception. So hairy. So dense. So ranky. So stanky.

If K.J. Apa's shirtless fireman lewk isn't doing it for you, then fear not. Riverdale's resident gay Casey Cott and his sexy boy toy Drew Ray Tanner hash out their relationship in the sauna while shirtless. They both confess that they're done with having an open relationship, and want to take things to the next level by being monogamous. Being sixteen has changed ya'll. My biggest problem in high school was remembering to buy new reeds for my clarinet. Gotta keep 'em phresh and phlirty for the phellas!