We're not doctors, technically, but we do know a health hazard when we see one. Bottoming for Michael Fassbender would be like sticking your intestines in a Cuisinart, so instead of risking your health and safety for one night with Michael's lethally huge penis, why not just check out his hottest frontal scene in these handy dandy Mr. Mandy GIFs?

We exercised extreme caution in creating these GIFs of Michael Fassbender's massive penis in Shame. You can never be too careful! One wrong move and - bam - butthole obliteration. Enjoy, but remember... safety fist. We mean first.