Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages (ahem, 18 and above), feast your eyes on the striking Spanish specimen that is Óscar Iniesta! No less an introduction would do for this sculpture come to life. You may think Mr. Man is exaggerating a hair, but there’s nothing but truthities being written here. Go ahead and take a peek at Óscar’s big-screen debut, playing Emil in Spain’s crime caper Los novios Búlgaros (2003), aka Bulgarian Lovers. He emerges from a pool, all grace and fluidity, droplets of water clinging to every dip and peak. Tall, toned, and totally naked, he takes his time, unconsciously posing as he wipes his big hands through his hair, flexing all his muscles, and giving audiences (Me! You!) time to appreciate every inch he has on offer. He then reaches for the briefest of towels, tying it around his waist to cover up very little, and leaving a bulge as memory of what we’ve just seen. It’s truly beautiful, and magical, and so fucking hot. If that’s not enough, the scene immediately switches to a vigorous romp in the sheets, Óscar on the bottom and taking every thrust like the champ he’s built to emulate. Mr. Man needs a moment, and he’s sure you do, too. And we’re back. While this was a very impressive performance (Does he talk? Do you care?), he actually only had one other credit, playing a conductor in the Catalan TV series Porca misèria, aka Misery Pig. Fun fact, if you translate the same words in Italian, it means holy shit. Fun, because that’s the exact reaction Mr. Man had to Óscar’s skinematic debut.
