The Art of Self-Defense (2019)

The Art of Self-Defense (2019) stars Jesse Eisenberg as a meek young man who gets attacked, then learns karate under the tutelage of a mysterious martial arts master. But this isn't The Karate Kid (1984), it's a bleak tale of toxic masculinity, bullying, and hero worship. Jesse plays a nerdy little dude named Casey, who gets his butt kicked by a motorcycle gang for no good reason. After considering getting a gun, instead he signs up for a karate class with the mysterious Sensei (Allesandro Nivola). Sensei's a bit of a psycho. He's a nasty misogynist who refuses to promote women like Anna (Imogen Poots) to black belt status, is surrounded by mysterious men with red bands on their belt they're not allowed to talk about and makes absurd claims about a special punch he's developing that can penetrate a person's skull. More cult leader than karate teacher, Sensei seduces Casey with stories about how powerful he can make him, while forcing him to do stuff like beat up random people and walk around with a nasty dog that's looking to bite him at every turn. When the gang get dressed up in motorcycle gear to kick the crap out of a stranger and reveal that you only get the red band after killing someone, Casey starts to question exactly what he's doing. But at that point, he's fallen in too deep. Mr. Man would seek out the nearest dojo if real martial artists exuded the sexual mojo of the dudes in this flick. Jesse goes shirtless and shows up in his underwear for some sexy scenes that have us wanting more below his blackbelt. He's in the locker room while the boys are roughhousing, and it's pretty rough that he stops short of showing it all! Phillip Andre Botello and Darren Gaebel are both shirtless in their undies as they strip down for some kind of strange bonding ritual, while Steve Terada only goes shirtless. Still, Steve's got that Bruce Lee build with wildly defined abs. Pretty sure those dudes would go gay for Sensei! These karate guys are all totally buff! If only they'd let us see their bow staff. We're defenseless against the sexual machismo of the men in The Art of Self-Defense!