There has long been a stigma against showing a little shaft on the big screen and the small screen alike. Nudity in film is not rare on its own, and there are blissfully tons of shirtless men running around on camera, but why are we constantly being inundated with boobs, but never the peen? The world is a-changing, thankfully, and more and more guys are getting naked on the boob tube, but it's still a rarity. To get the goods, you need to know where to look.
Naturally, the extra channels are the best to peruse for TV-MA content, but which one is the best in terms of full-frontal dudity? We set out to find the answer, examining two of our fave networks and their most stripped-down shows. First up: HBO.
1.Tell Me You Love Me: HBO
Originally titled Sexlife, this show is chock full of explicit shmanging. Unfortunately, most of the penises we see are prosthetic except for Tim DeKay's. The good news? Even the plastic Peens engage in some hyper-realistic sex scenes. It's filmed in an interesting realistic way, too: There's no intro, and everything is shot in from the perspective of a handheld camera(but not with the jarring, Cloverfield tremors).
2.True Blood: HBO
One thing is for sure: True Blood is raunchy in all the ways a Southern vampire series should be. Tons of carnal, messy sex goes down alongside almost constant full-frontal female nudity (Sookie Stackhouse, do you ever put your clothes on?), and plently o' male buttage. The only bummer? A good penis sighting is rare. The Naked Male Prisoner (played by David Nathie Barnes) bares his cock and balls, but that's about it. It's still a sexy show, largely thanks to the blood-soaked, dirt-caked, primitive sex that underscores vampire erotica,but they've kept too many cocks in the coffin to earn HBO any real points in the male nudity department.
3. Game of Thrones: HBO
Game of Thrones is one of HBO's greatest legacies to date, thanks to the brilliant wordsmith George R.R. Martin. It might be rife with sexism and misogyny, but it's an other-worldly depiction of the Middle Ages that gets the gender sentiments of the time pretty spot-on. Known for deliciously explicit sexual scenes and nudity that seems more authentic than gratuitous, it's everything a drama should be: steamy, thrilling, nail-biting, and intricate.
The only bad news is that HBO comes in a little short on the full-frontal male nudity. Alfie Allen, playing Theon Greyjoy, shows his cock to the camera, but we only get butts from the rest of the cast. Then again, GoT does have Kit Harington, Richard Madden, and Jason Momoa. There's certainly nothing left to be desired when it comes to sword-wielding man candy.
Alright, now the underdog of the titillating TV smackdown: the Starz Network. These titles haven't yet achieved the household familiarity of the HBO titles, but this is a network that's chock full of candid, graphic content on a regular basis.
1. Spartacus: Starz
The premise of Spartacus is easy to guess, but the nearly-constant nudity is not. The men bare their loins at the same frequency women show their shakers, though Manu Bennet is the only lad to show his shaft (in alarming clarity, we might add). Maybe it's a reflection of the time when nudity as a concept didn't exist in the same way it does now, and maybe it's because Starz knows what's up, but either way, this show is sizzling. As a bonus, the female leads have just as much prowess as the male ones and spend just as much time pursuing sex and their dick-bearing costars.
2. Black Sails: Starz
Black Sails is all about the booty, in every sense of the word. Appropriately anarchical, it tells the tale of Captain Flint and crew's fight for New Providence Island, where sex, scandal, and sin abound. Starz gets almost as many shafts as they do racks in this show, gaining them a few more points for male/female nudity equality. Zach McGowan goes full frontal in several scenes along with Toby Schmitz. Think of it like pirates of the Caribbean, only without Jonny Depp and with the entirety of all of the good sex scenes. Ahoy matey!
3. Outlander: Starz
Of all of the Starz Network'sshows, this one is the closest to gaining the cult-like following that Game of Thrones has garnered, and for good reason. The main characters have some incredible chemistry, the show is filled with Scottish-accented sex, and the plot is riveting. Sam Heughan unfortunately only shows his butt(le sigh), but Tobias Menzies goes full frontal(woohoo!). It's a fantastic show for many reasons, most of which we can count on Heughan's abs.
So which one is best? It's a close call, but we'd have to give the golden dick-et to the Starz Network. HBO may be the nudity powerhouse for naked women, but Starz showcases more shaft more frequently. Now, if you'll excuse uswe have some things we need to watch on demand.
