Our Staff Picks column is a new addition that takes you back to a time when video stores reigned supreme and the "Staff Picks" section was the place to find out what films were worthy of one's time. Of course, our version has a decidedly nude angle, as we suss out which films from a certain genre with great nudity. This week: historical epics!
Historical epics continue to draw crowds. From Gladiator to Gladiator 2 (neither of which has hot nude scenes), history continues to make people horny. How about the historical epics with epic nudity? Those exist and they are amazing. Here are some of our Staff Picks:
Alexander
Oliver Stone's 2004 epic tells the story of ancient military commander Alexander the Great. Who can possibly play one of the most famous men in history? Colin Farrell circa the early 2000s. He was SO hot back then and in this movie. He absolutely stuns in a sex scene with another man. Oh, here's a history lesson: Alexander the Great was married to women three times, but he was allegedly more interested in men. He even had public boyfriends like the one here:
01:53:00 Colin Farrell bares butt as he disrobes for a guy-guy make-out atop a bed of furs. Look close at that rear view though, because we also see back-sack and penis from behind. Such sweet conquest! (1 min 16 secs)
Dances with Wolves
Kevin Costner made huge waves and huge fans out of us when he directed and starred in this historical western in which he plays a white man who lives alone until he befriends a Native American tribe. The tribe deems him "Dances with Wolves" and he lives peacefully with them. He's so peaceful that he removes his clothes and bares his peach! You will howl like a wolf at that full moon.
Troy
Do you love great Greek epics? Then you surely already love Brad Pitt in Troy because he is muscular, oiled-up, strong, and the finest specimen of a man that a historical epic can offer. He looks like he was carved from marble just like an ancient Greek statue. From his cut cum gutters to his plump rump, Brad Pitt has me saying we need to forget about Helen. Let's ram straight into that ass!
The Northman
How about some Vikings? Robert Eggers is enjoying a lot of success with his version of Nosferatu, but before that he took us into the realm of the Vikings. His epic historical movie featured a lot of hot men fighting naked. Which hot men? The hotties with stellar bodies include Claes Bang,Alexander Skarsgard, Ethan Hawke, and Willem Dafoe.
Alexander Skarsgård, Claes Bang in The Northman
02:04:15 Alexander and Claes have an epic, nude clash of the titans on a volcano. The way the scene is backlit by the lava and the use of cgi shadows keep us from really seeing much of anything, unfortunately, but in the context of the movie, they're both completely nude! (1 min 38 secs)
