Desert Heat (1999)

Jean Claude Van Damme plays a leather-clad biker badass with a death wish in the direct-to-video action flick Desert Heat (1999). Loosely based on Yojimbo (1961) and A Fist Full of Dollars (1964), Rocky (1976) director John G. Avildsen’s final film tells of Eddie Lomax (Van Damme), a suicidal wanderer traversing the desert on his motorcycle. Eddie's pretty messed up about what he did in the Army and tells a hallucinated version of his buddy Johnny Sixtoes (Danny Trejo) that he plans to end things to make the guilt go away. But just when he's about to do it, a gang of hoodlums beat him up and steal his bike. Bad move. Now, Eddie has a purpose in life: beat the dog crap out of those guys and get his motorcycle back! It's not the most noble mission in life, but it's enough to have Eddie putting the gun against someone else's head instead of his own. A pissed off muscles from Brussels who doesn't really care if he lives or dies? Those dudes don't stand a chance. Neither do your pants, when Jean-Claude shows his butt kicking buns. When he’s not offing do-badders, the vigilante takes time to make time with the local ladies. In a game of I’ll-show-you-mine-if-you-show-me-yours with a desert whore, the Belgian beefcake drops his towel and shows his gym-sculpted backside that looks like it belongs in a museum, not in a cheap action film. Just looking at the buns of Eddie Lomaz can make you climax. Is it hot in here, or is it just Jean-Claude? He won't off himself, just take it off for us! You've never been wetter than while watching Desert Heat!