Hammer of the Gods (2013)

There are a lot of handsome hunks we’d love to hammer in Hammer of the Gods (2013). Set in Britain in 870 AD, the Viking-filled flick follows the Norse warriors doing battle with the Saxons. When King Bagsecg (James Cosmo) is badly wounded, he summons his sons — Prince Steinar (Charlie Bewley), Prince Harold (Finlay Robertson) and Prince Vali (Theo Barklem-Biggs) — to his deathbed. The dying sovereign asks his offspring to find their missing brother Hakan the Ferrocious (Elliot Cowan), who is the next heir to the throne. This sends Steinar, along with his friends Hagen (Clive Standen), Grim (Michael Jibson), Jokul (Guy Flanagan) and his half-bro Vali on an epic journey. First, they must locate the warrior Ivar (Ivan Kaye) since he will know the whereabouts of Hakan. Along the way, we encounter Agnes (Alexandra Dowling), Astrid (Glynis Barber), Wilfred (Salomon Thomson), and Ulric the Chronicler (Francis Magee). After they all go through hell to find and retrieve the estranged son, the search group eventually teams up with Hakan. Alas, this historic saga is full of drama yet it’s short on skin. At least, Mr. Bewley flashes his ass when he’s manhandled by the mob. If that’s not arousing enough, you’ll feel a splash in your pants when you get a gander at Charlie’s ripped physique as the skintastic actor washes up by a river. Quick, grab a towel! Although the epic was dissed by critics, Mr. Man gives this flick two thumbs (and another part of the anatomy) up!