Rapa Nui (1994)

Judging by his contributions to the western Dances with Wolves (1990), it’s clear actor, producer and director Kevin Costner is literally an epic filmmaker. In fact, his massive efforts paid off with seven Academy Award wins, including Best Picture and Best Director. This was no easy feat since he beat Goodfellas (1990) and Martin Scorsese! Even when Costner crashes and burns, he does so in a big way since his post-apocalyptic action movie Waterworld (1995) was an epic failure. Considering his penchant for sweeping sagas, it should come as no surprise that Kevin co-produced Rapa Nui (1994). Like Dances with Wolves, it’s a historical adventure. Like Waterworld, the film was a box office flop. Apparently, people that wanted to know how those giant stone heads got erected on Easter Island found out at the library instead of the cinema. It’s too bad since this flick could make the members on audience members erect. Sure, there are plenty of naked actresses in the pic, but it also provides a perfect pair of sculpted man-cheeks that flesh fans can sink their teeth (or something else) into. In other words, check out the bare bubble butt on Long Ear Noro (Jason Scott Lee). It’s hard to believe he — and Ramana (Sandrine Holt) — are considered rejects of their tribes. Based on the legend of the Hanau epe, the movie includes Short Ear (Cliff Curtis), Long Ear Chief (Nathaniel Lees), and the full moon on Make (Esai Morales). Rapa Nui? More like “Tap a Booty!”