Our Staff Picks column is a new addition that takes you back to a time when video stores reigned supreme and the "Staff Picks" section was the place to find out what films were worthy of one's time. Of course, our version has a decidedly nude angle, as we suss out which films from a certain genre with great nudity. This week: action movies!
Action films are filled with testosterone as muscled-up men act like totally wreckless badasses with very few consequences. They definitely please my lizard brain to watch good guys fighting bad guys with muscle, bullets, and bombs. Throw in cool, fast cars and that's a treat!
While these movies are not necessarily thought of for being sexy, I find a lot of them very homoerotic - especially when there is nudity involved. We are talking about sweaty, hot men on a mission. That's hot, honey! Here are my Staff Picks for Action Movies:
The Terminator
This 1984 film is a classic for a reason: it's good. Plain and simple, sweetie! With lines that are STILL quoted to this day, The Terminator had us never wanting to say 'hasta la vista' to its beefy star. Arnold Schwarzenegger became THE action star of the 1980s and beyond when the bodybuilder-turned-actor played a time-traveling cyborg.
The best part? He is totally naked when he lands in our timeline. That means we see his dick, even if it is obscured in darkness.
Vigilante
Grindhouse director William Lustig made a pivot to fill us with lust with his gritty revenge film, Vigilante. This 1983 film stars Robert Forster as a dad in Queens whose life is turned upside down when his child is murdered. He fights back, but he gets arrested and goes to jail. That is where he and the other criminals band together to make a plan to fight back against the unfair system. And when he gets out? He is going to track down those original murderers and give them hell.
There is a stunning group shower scene in this movie that delivers meaty, masculine ass as well as some cock. Lock me up because I need to take showers with these cockvicts.
Cruising
While not filled with explosions like some of your action flick faves, Cruising is definitely an action-packed crime film. It helps that there is some exploration - or should I say "sexploration?" of the late 70s gay scene in New York City. Al Pacino plays a cop who goes undercover to investigate the disappearances and deaths of several young men in the underground gay scene in NYC. While he doesn't engage in anything explicitly gay, his co-star Arnaldo Santana shows his ass when kissing another man while only wearing his jockstrap.
There is a lovely amount of ass in this film! While a lot of elements of this film remain controversial and it was heavily protested back then, it is interesting to observe that this is based on a true story. If you're a true crime fan, then you can read more about that here. Otherwise, fans of skin can enjoy all of the ass.
Never Too Young to Die
Is Never Too Young to Die a cinematic classic? No. Does it have one of the steamiest scenes of all time featuring a young and stylish John Stamos? It does! John Stamos plays a gymnast whose father was a secret agent. When his dad is mysteriously killed, he and his female partner pair up in order to fight back. Thankfully, they take a break to have sex.
John does not go nude in this scene, but it gets very close. He showed his ass in Knots, so if you leave Never Too Young to Die needing more then you should head over to that scene to get a view of his ass.
Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song
We have to add blaxploitation into the mix because there is a ton of action and nudity in the genre. I recommend one of the originals, Sweet Sweetback, which was given to us by the one and only Melvin Van Peebles. He wrote, directed, and starred in this film about a male gigolo who saves a Black Panther from the police. Melvin plays the gigolo and there is even a sexy striptease in the movie that shows his cock. He really did it all - including making his nude debut in his debut film!
Crank
This is a WILD film. If you want to feel like you were just injected with pure testosterone then this is the film for you! Rugged Brit Jason Statham is the star of the show in this 2006 film that features Jason Statham doing an incredible amount of stuntwork. He even shows his asshole when he makes a run for it while wearing his hospital gown. Watch Jason's hole and crank it:
