Cockles and Muscles (2005)

The Italians made Bread and Chocolate (1974), the Americans produced Blood and Wine (1996), and the French released Cockles and Muscles (2005). Thanks to the writing and directing team of Olivier Ducastel and Jacques Martineau, the latter film blends romance with comic antics to address the complications of sex. This risqué romp begins when a Parisian man named Marc (Gilbert Melki) inherits his late aunt’s house by the seaside. Consequently, he decides to take his family there for a relaxing vacation. But as you can guess, things don’t go exactly as planned since his wife Béatrix (Valeria Bruni-Tedeschi) has her lover Mathieu (Jacques Bonnaffé) tag along. If that’s not sorted enough, his daughter Laura (Sabrina Seyvecou) starts hanging out with a local biker and his son Charly (Romain Torres) finds out that his best friend Martin (Édouard Collin) is in love with him. In fact, Édouard shows off his abs, ass, sack and prosthetic shaft while Romain reveals his torso and tight tush! The same can be said for Monsieur Bonnaffé who steams up the screen while showering. Did we mention Marc’s former gay flame (Jean-Marc Barr) also arrives on the scene? As such, we get to ogle his chest and bum when he has kinky sex with another man in handcuffs. Ooh la la! Also known as Crustacés & Coquillages, this skinternational pic features dialogue in French. Yet whenever the actors flash their flesh, there’s no need to speak. In other words, this homoerotic flick should be called Cocks and Muscles!