The Da Vinci Code (2006)

The Louvre is at the center of controversy in the 2003 Dan Brown novel-turned 2006 Tom Hanks thriller, The Da Vinci Code (2006). Jacques Saunière (Jean-Pierre Marielle), the curator of the famed gallery, meets his demise at the hands of the hooded figure, an albino Catholic monk named Silas (Paul Bettany). The mysterious murderer gets even more mysterious when he paints a pentacle on his victim’s gut, re-positions the body, and leaves the titular code in invisible ink on the ground next to the corpse. When the cops can't figure out what the symbols mean, they call Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks), a famed professor of symbology at Harvard, to interpret the code. Teaming up with the victim’s granddaughter, cryptologist Sophie Neveu (Audrey Tautou), the two go from Paris to London, hot on the trail of the killer. Known for implying that there are all sorts of secret messages in all of Da Vinci's most famous paintings, this one got all sorts of religious people pissed off for saying that Jesus had a baby with Mary Magdalene, and that Jesus' bloodline is still around today. Then, a few decades later, John Oliver devoted an entire episode to how much the mystery's payoff annoyed him. Directed by Ron Howard, critics hated it and late-night comedians came after Hanks for his choice of haircut, but none of that kept filmgoers away which is why this one had two sequels. Unfortunately, Paul Bettany didn't show off his pasty, albino buns in any of those. Like "The Mona Lisa" and "The Last Supper," Paul's ass was a timeless work of art when we saw him strip down and start whipping himself to atone for some sins. He's hurting himself, but we're self-loving to that pasty patootie. Who cares about cracking The Da Vinci Code when we get to see a crack like that?