Our Staff Picks column is a new addition that takes you back to a time when video stores reigned supreme and the "Staff Picks" section was the place to find out what films were worthy of one's time. Of course, our version has a decidedly nude angle, as we suss out which films from a certain genre with great nudity. This week: British films!
Why the Brits? Why not! British boys are hot and it's not just because of their seductive accents. Not only are British boys hot, but British films are very good. A lot of British films get overshadowed by their English-speaking cousins in Hollywood, but these films are truly worth watching. Whether you want to see a good British movie or you just want to jerk off to naked Brits, here are our staff picks:
God's Own Country
I wanted to start off with our modern British classic: God's Own Country. This tender romance stars Josh O'Connor and Alec Secareanu as two young men farming during a Yorkshire spring. This English countryside film is gorgeous, Ian and Josh's nude scenes are far more beautiful. Josh plays an English farmer who is bored out of his mind and spending his days drinking and having sex. Hey, that's not so bad.
His life changes when a Romanian migrant worker joins the farm for the spring. Josh and Alec actually fall in love and we fall deeply in lust with these naked lads.
28 Days Later
Danny Boyle's sci-fi thriller introduced a new kind of zombie to the cinema world: super fast zombies. How scary! A contagious virus has turned people into angry, fast-moving zombies. When Cillian Murphy wakes up from a stint in the hospital for nearly a month, he is shocked to find that the place is empty. He becomes even more shocked to find that that is because this virus turned everyone into scary zombies while he was in a coma.
Cillian wanders around London looking for other survivors and trying to escape the new flesh-eating beasts. Cillian is also naked a few times in the film, including when he wakes up naked from his coma. I'd watch him nude for a full 28 days!
Life of Brian
You know and love Monty Python. The sketch comedy troupe from the UK is known for being goofy and over-the-top while making all of us laugh. So you might be shocked to remember that Life of Brian had a full frontal scene. Seriously? Yes, seriously! Graham Chapman stands nude in front of an open window to show his glorious cock and balls. This is a religious experience.
The Full Monty
Speaking of Monty Python, let's talk about the popular 1997 film The Full Monty. This cheeky movie by director Peter Cattaneo had everyone blushing in the 90s with its story about steel mill workers in Sheffield who are suddenly laid off. They decide to make ends meet by stripping! We love that plan.
The boys really put on a show and Hugo Speer has a sexy scene in which he drops his drawers and shows his hiney. We don't see his cock, but we do see all of the men reacting to his huge dong. Let me see! Let me see!
Bad Timing
Nicolas Roeg is one of the greatest British directors. I personally love so many of his movies. Bad Timing was pretty divisive when it was released, but I really think it is worth watching. This psychosexual thriller even stars Art Garfunkel as a psychoanalyst who gets involved with a free-spirited chick who has a drinking problem. We get to drink in his ass and backsack when is having sex with her. This scene has me feelin' groovy!
The Souvenir
Joanna Hogg directed this 2019 dramatic romance about a film student who gets involved with a much older teacher. The two fall in lust and struggle with a complicated power imbalance, but I think that Jake Phillips Head has all of the power when he undresses and shows his uncut penis. While the couple's many differences is the focus of their romance, my focus is entirely on Mr. Head's head. Mmmm, now I am thinking about giving Mr. Head's head head. Anyone else?
Naked
With a title like Naked, there sure as hell better be nudity. Fret not for there is! Mike Leigh directed this 1993 film starring a young and spry David Thewlis as a young punk who gets involved with a married woman. Things get carried away and he finds himself in a heap of trouble, so he tries to hide out at his ex-girlfriend's place where he gets debaucherous with her roommate. This guy's luck gets worse from there as he continues to make bad decision after bad decision. The only good decision he makes is being naked in this one scene. It is a little bit shadowy, but we see his penis and it looks HUGE. Is this the biggest cock in Britain? It really might be:
Trainspotting
Danny Boyle's Trainspotting is a classic dark comedy despite how hard-to-watch it often is. This 1996 film gave us Ewan McGregor's breakout role as a sexy Scottish lad who is also hopelessly addicted to heroin. He and his junky friends are only focused on one thing: where to find their next high. We follow them along some real ups and downs as the friends have a series of misadventures in order to score a fix.
If...
And now it's time for a real British classic. If... is one of THE mod movies from 1960s Britain. It expertly shows the class of generations that was going on in the UK at that time as Malcolm McDowell plays a rambunctious student at a private boarding school. He leads his friends in a movement to rebel against upper-classmen. It's a student-on-student war!
According to movie nudity legend, there were male full-frontals shot for this film. The dicks were cut out of the film (despite likely being uncut cocks - heyo!) in order to enjoy a wide release in Britain. Even without the penises, this movie enjoys the distinction of being one of the first mainstream films with this much male nudity. There is even a scene where Malcolm wrestles a girl nude and it is actually hilarious. Between that and the shower scenes, these boys no longer have us wondering "if...".
