The Lighthouse (2019)

The Witch (2015) director Robert Eggers kept his creepy and insane period piece moviemaking streak rolling with The Lighthouse (2019), a gritty A24 drama adapted from an unfinished Edgar Allen Poe story. Poe's tale centered around two lighthouse keepers on a remote island in the 1890s losing their sanity while holed up in their small lighthouse, and the film didn't stray far from that source material. Filmed entirely in black and white, Robert Pattinson plays Ephraim Winslow, a young man sent to work for four weeks as a lighthouse keeper under the older Thomas Wake (Willem Dafoe). Winslow comes to loath Wake, as the old man forces the young one to do all the crappy jobs on the island, is abrasive and unlikeable, and keeps making mistakes that make their time on the island worse. Wake says his old partner died after the isolation drove him insane, which appears to be happening to Winslow as well since he keeps seeing sea monsters, mermaids, and all sorts of other supernatural creatures. When a storm leaves the fellas stuck on the island for more time than expected, and to deal with a food shortage the two get to drinking, the insanity starts to drive them towards violence! If you're light in the loafers like Mr. Man, you'd be more than happy to spend time isolated with either of those two hotties. We wouldn't go crazy; we'd just have insane amounts of crazy hot sex to pass the time! Both our handsome dudes from the late 1800's get shirtless in different rainy, dark scenes. Willem is first to light our fire! While walking around in a rainstorm we see his body naked, but his strong legs hide his crotch from the camera. Robert, however, jerks off while dreaming about having sex with a mermaid, which lets us see his buns doing some thrusting into the fish lady. Luckily, the fog is clear for that full moon! This movie is bonkers but still gives us great boners! It's all safe passage and great ass-age in The Lighthouse!