Lonesome Dove (1989-2017)

Before the internet destroyed everyone's attention spans, back in 1989 people were willing to watch a miniseries that clocked in at over 380 minutes, before factoring in the commercials. In fairness, people would probably still be willing to sit down and watch something that long today, if it was as good as Lonesome Dove. A four-part miniseries based on the Larry McMurtry novel, CBS' critically acclaimed series centers around former Texas Rangers Gus McCrae (Robert Duvall) and Woodrow F. Call (Tommy Lee Jones), living in Lonesome Dove Texas just after The Civil War. One day, an old buddy of theirs named Jake Spoon (Robert Urich) shows up telling them that he accidentally killed a guy and is now a fugitive from justice. He tells them the real money is in bringing cattle up North, so our retired Rangers join several other small town Texan residents on a cattle drive to the Montana Territory. From there, our gang have to deal with inclement weather, run-ins with Natives, a half-Native half-Mexican villain named Blue Duck (Frederic Forrest), far from chivalrous US Cavalry members, and a ton of other hazards the Wild West has to offer. We were feeling a bit lonesome after checking out all the hunky men in this miniseries that many claim revitalized the Western. As Call's young son Newt, the gorgeous Ricky Schroder, wearing nothing but his chaps, fords a river and shows off his ass. Great nudes, Newt! Both steers and queers would go wherever that tight ass told us to! As he crosses the water, a shirtless D.B. Sweeney rides up to Robert Duvall alongside a fully clothed Tommy Lee Jones and Danny Glover! Why all the clothes, gentlemen? Embrace the Wild Wild West and take off your shirts! If only all our cowboys had showed their sex shooters, we could've performed hours of self-love to Lonesome Dove!